The newly crowned Division Five champions, Ropley, hosted Hart Hkers at Four Marks Recreation Ground due to fixture congestion at their home ground. Despite a lengthy injury list — including top scorer David Dempster and Captain Craig Davis — the treble winners entered the game with confidence. The absence of Dempster gave Andrew Radcliffe a golden chance to close the gap at the top of the scoring charts.

Ropley started brightly, dominating possession while Hart sat deep in a low block to fend off early pressure. Their resistance lasted until a handball gifted Ropley a penalty, calmly dispatched by Radcliffe — now just five goals behind the Love Island star.

Ten minutes later came a moment of pure magic. A misjudged goal kick from the Hart keeper dropped to Callum Eaton, 40 yards out. He brought it down from the heavens and unleashed a thunderous piledriver that left the crowd stunned and the Ropley ultras calling for Thomas Tuchel to hand him an England call-up.

But football has a way of humbling even the best. Defensive duo Alan Mitchell and Darren Barrett were catching more strays than the cats in Thailand, allowing Hart’s lively striker to slip through and slot past a helpless Matt Tongue, whose mind was clearly on the promised outfield cameo. 2–1.

Hart’s joy was short-lived. Ten minutes later, a floated free kick found the same striker, who glanced a header into the corner to level the game at 2–2. With temperatures pushing 30 degrees, Ropley took their water break and regrouped.

Their quality soon told. Radcliffe bagged his second, Adam Greaves added another, and Ropley went into the break 4–2 up and in control.

As promised, Tongue swapped gloves for a shirt, replaced by Dean Smith in goal. But Smith’s afternoon turned sour when he clattered a Hart striker clean through, conceding a penalty and earning himself a ten-minute sin bin after a few choice words for the referee. Tongue returned to the gloves — and spectacularly saved the penalty to deny the striker his hat-trick. Moments later, Greaves struck again to make it 5–2.

Jefferson Elias added a sixth with a touch of Brazilian flair that Neymar himself would have admired, before Dan Bapty — gliding around midfield like a well-oiled machine — slotted home his first to make it 7–2.

Smith re-entered the fray, describing himself as “invisible for most of it,” while Elias took over in goal. With both Tongue and Smith pushing forward, Radcliffe completed his hat-trick to move within three of Dempster. He might have had another if he hadn’t been mid–tango with the Hart centre-back, politely informing the referee that there “may have been a slight hand” involved.

Then, out of nowhere, Dean “Casper” Smith popped up to finish superbly and make it 9–2. As fatigue and thoughts of pints set in, the 54-year-old Hart striker slipped through to round Elias and complete his own hat-trick. 9–3.

But Ropley weren’t done. Bapty drove home a low strike into the bottom corner, leaving teammates admiring both his jawline and his finish.

In stoppage time, Radcliffe had the final word, as he so often does off the pitch, assisted by Matt Tongue with a lovely clipped ball, sealing an emphatic 11–3 win for the champions. The Ropley theme song echoed from the Four Marks changing room as fans gathered outside, though it was hard to tell whether they were celebrating or playing archery.

The season isn’t quite over for the Casuals, who travel to Worplesdon next weekend for a double header before a well-earned summer break.